is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
