I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
