I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the day after is always just damage control
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
