He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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