i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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