I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
