I faked an abortion last night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
