I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
