it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
