I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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