She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
