Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
