i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
