Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
