you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
