he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
