I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
