the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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