Don't you send me to vm
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
