I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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