I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
