Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
