i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
