Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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