i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
