Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
