Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
