can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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