Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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