So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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