it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
