You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
