if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
