saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
