Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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