i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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