I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
