sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come on in and take your pants off
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