i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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