last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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