So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
