Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
