1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
