I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
