so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
