Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
