so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
