There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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