And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
