Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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