What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
