I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
