My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
