Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
