I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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