Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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