Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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