My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
