If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
