I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize