Sober January is a disaster.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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