Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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