masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
