Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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