hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
