Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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