I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize