using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
