how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drake has all the answers
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
