CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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