Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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