So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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