my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
