Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
