Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
