Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
