Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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