i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize