so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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